We Found Love in a Hopeless Place

A cool photo of the panel last night at the W hotel pool terrace. Video coming soon! Thanks JP for the pic and to all my sexy friends who came. ["The friends you brought were THE BEST LOOKING PEOPLE THERE."]

Moderator Eve Batey was hilarious. Violet Blue was insightful. Jesse Starlight was creeped out. And OKCupid Chief Strategy Officer Nick Abramovic was, well, he was getting ready for a big move down to Los Angeles, so we’ll forgive his sexist, frat bro comments.

Big thanks to Yerba Buena Community Benefit District! And to Brock Keeling at the SFist and Caitlin Donohue at SFBG for the write-ups. Good thing there will be video to show exactly how much of a “catty bitch” I am not!

Event: Reading from Trashy Celebrity Memoirs at the Elbo Room

Is there anything more out of touch with reality than celebrity memoirs? How about one that came out in the last stretch of some horny Alaskan teen’s fifteen minutes of fame?

James J. Siegel of Guywriters has invited me to participate in a fundraiser for the San Francisco non-profit, male-driven writing group happening Monday, March 19 at the Elbo Room.

A pop literary romp hosted by James and Baruch Porras-Hernandez, Yep, They Said It: Celebrities in Their Own Words brings together funny fuckers to read verbatim from some of the “sleaziest, trashiest and tackiest books ever written” by famous people.

Sleazy, trashy and tacky? Well, I have decided to read an excerpt from the memoir of none other than America’s favorite fame-whoring horndog heartthrob, bewildered baby daddy, Playgirl pin-up, and Sarah Palin’s presidential fuck-up: Levi Johnston.

His memoir, the appropriately titled Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs, is an insipid counter-argument to abstinence education, narrating the baby-making process with his once and former “babe,” Bristol Palin. The Alaskan “twunk” documents screwing Bristol in her bedroom, in the Palin’s shower, in the backyard jacuzzi, in the woods and even while on the campaign trail.

Other readers on Monday night include: Heklina, Joshua Grannell (a.k.a. Peaches Christ), Fernando Ventura (Fernando & Greg Show), BAR editor Jim Provenzano and NY Times columnist and good friend, Scott James.

“Yep, They Said It: Celebrities in Their Own Words”: Monday, March 19 from 7pm to 9pm at the Elbo Room (647 Valencia Street).

Excerpt: We Shouldn’t Do This

A few seconds later he began rubbing his butt up against my thigh and caressing my lower leg with his feet. And when I rolled over and started spooning him and running my cold hands up and down his torso, he didn’t flinch away. I heard him exhale. Not only had he taken off his shoes before slipping into bed, way before the movie even began, he had also taken off his shirt and jeans. Meanwhile fully clothed I laid, even though you know how much I hate sleeping with my socks on.

Andrew exhaled again, and I started fingering the elastic on his boxer briefs and getting down close to his crotch. But then I stopped. He noticed I stopped. And I turned over and closed my eyes — tired, drunk and stoned. But then he rolled over and got so close to me that I could feel him breathing on my cheek as he poked my hips with his knees. And when I turned my head to look at him, waiting for an explanation, he didn’t look away. So I kissed him, and he kissed me back briefly, softly, before he closed his mouth, recoiled back gently and said, ‘We shouldn’t do this.’ 

Excerpt, Confessions of a Boy Toy

Event: ‘How We Date Now’ Panel Discussion

Even though I discontinued my HomoTech column almost a year ago after a bit of a tiff with EDGE Media, it appears that pretending to be racist on Grindr has made me an expert. If you receive my newsletter, you know that I’ve been invited to be a part of a panel on the hyper-instant pleasure and pain of online dating.

Sponsored by Yerba Buena Arts, How We Date Now is happening on Thursday, March 15 at the W Hotel’s pool terrace (oooh). Join me and tech sexpert Violet Blue, OkCupid’s Nick Abramovic and dating coach Jesse Starlight as we dig up all the dirt that comes from trying to find “the one” in the age of Google:

Single people in super-wired San Francisco have more options than ever before. From the proliferation of dating websites, to matchmakers, to instructors eager to teach you the art of meeting a mate, the days of relying on set-ups and chance meetings are long behind us.

The discussion will be moderated by Eve Batey, editor of the SF Appeal. We will start the chat at 8pm but we’ll surely be drinking and mingling by the pool starting at 7pm. Come watch me bring up such awkward topics as: Craigslist killers, Facebook stalkers and eHarmony homophobes! How fun. And thanks to the glorious Matt Baume for suggesting my name.

How We Date Now: Thursday, March 15 from 7pm to 9pm at the W Hotel (181 3rd Street, 4th Floor Pool Terrace).

E-motional: Keep Holding On or Let Go

The series E-motional features inspirational love messages sent through mobile devices, e-mail or other instant online correspondence. Confessions 2.0. if you will. A refreshing and far more romantic alternative to the bombardment of crude booty calls, sexts and cyber one-line pick-ups that seem to be the norm nowadays.

Comment if you have an image that you’d like to add to E-motional. And let’s hear it for modern romance!