Britney Spears Is a Slave to Will.I.Am’s Crappy Music

Britney Spears’ music producers and video directors have had an eerily prescient take on the pop star’s life. A good chunk of her songs allude to mental instability (“You drive me crazy,” “I’m just a crazy type of girl,” “You say I’m crazy, I’ll show you crazy”), and her music videos can be seen as a pop study of multiple personality disorder (“Lucky,” “Toxic,” “Womanizer”). Yet it’s her sexiest single that has now become her ironic, if not tragic, tell-tale. As the star who once sang “I’m a slave” can’t even check her own text messages without being monitored.

Over four years have passed since the shaved head, the umbrella assault, the gurneys but Britney Spears is still under the conservatorship of her father and fiance. A 31-year-old woman, one of the wealthiest in the world, whose personal and financial decisions are being made by two men, and where are the feminists who once condemned Britney for her early lack of empowerment?

To anyone who’s ever caught a glimpse of the pop star post-breakdown, it’s evident that Britney Spear would rather be anywhere but in the spotlight. But despite her generally underwhelming live performances, her vapid interview responses and her abandonment altogether of choreographed dancing, public fascination with Brit hasn’t wavered one bit since her heyday.

Take for example “Scream and Shout,” her newest collaboration with Will.I.Am. The song skyrocketed to the top of the charts thanks to the straight-up sampled “It’s Britney, Bitch” line from her real crazy phase. She couldn’t even be bothered to re-record it.

So Britney will remain a slave — to the recording studio, the stage, the X-Factor set, the fragrance deals — for a very long time. She’s become the perfect cash cow: the most amount of pay off with the least amount of effort.

BOY TOYS TALK BACK: Should Britney be set free?

Britney’s X-Factor vs. Christina’s Voice

Tonight one of the most heated pop culture rivalries of all time will rekindled on primetime. Britney Spears’ judging stint premieres on The X-Factor, while Christina Aguilera pushes her way through the week with a third consecutive episode on The Voice.

In recent interviews both female singers have commended each other for following in the footsteps of Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger (aren’t they the trendsetters), jumping so gracefully on the reality television bandwagon while taking home millions of dollars.

“Our paths have always crossed and they will continue to cross,” Aguilera told Parade. “I welcome her to this family of fun and entertainment and finding talent as well.”

Britney and Christina’s paths first crossed on the Mickey Mouse Club, they went on to beat the clay out of each other on Celebrity Deathmatch. They crossed each other once again while swapping Madonna’s saliva at the VMAs. Tonight they will clash on television, but before that the pop stars square off right now here on my blog — where I have written about these two ladies in terms that are quite fitting to the titles of their TV shows.

Britney’s X-Factor:

It’s easy to dismiss Britney Spears as trashy and talentless, but she is an icon in the purest sense of the word — an object signifying much more. She signifies the machine that created her, the concept that made her a superstar and a fascination that resurrected her to the top of the charts. (Read More)

Christina’s Voice:

No one can deny that Christina Aguilera’s got talent. She was the youngest person to make Rolling Stone’s list of greatest singers ever (the only person under 30). Celine Dion called her “probably the best vocalist in the world.” (Read More)

BOY TOYS TALK BACK: Who are you most excited to see on TV tonight?