On one side: excitement, excess, stimulation, mystery. On the other: safety, security, comfort, familiarity. Sex, romance, intimacy—all the things promised by finding the right match on an online dating site—drink from both. And so does the very experience of online dating. On the one hand finding a match and getting a lovely email from someone with a hot picture and an intriguing profile provides only a squirt of exitement, however much you may think you want a torrent. But on the other, well, there’s not a whole lot at risk. Sitting in your pj-s at your computer in the solitary comfort of your own home is pretty comfortable. You’re able to get a charge that is worth it because you are not really put that much on the line.
– From an article on Psychology Today about why online dating sites are designed to be play with our search for love by creating a “sweet spot” where the possibilities are endless while browsing in the comfort of our own home.
Similar read: Are We Wired to Love Google, Twitter and Grindr?
The BAR sent a wonderful writer to cover the hooking up panel in which I participated this summer at the GLBT History Museum. I had the honor of speaking next to historian Martin Meeker and Berkeley professor Juana Maria Rodriguez (who is my soul sister after writing “Confessions of a Latina Cyberslut” hello!)
Reporter Peter Hernandez (a self-affirmed “boy toy” fan) wrote:
“You can get a blowjob as easy as you can get a pizza delivered,” said Oscar Raymundo, the youngest panelist and blogger at Queerty and GayCities.com. He offered a critical perspective on Grindr and Scruff, criticizing the rapid growth of virtual hook-up websites seen in developments like Grindr’s recent expansion to 100 employees, and questioning the legitimacy of online dating.
Raymundo also read from his upcoming novel titled Confessions of a Boy Toy, in which a forebodingly-titled biotech app called Stalkr replaces Grindr, and in which physical connections are often limited to a handshake that grades the romantic chemistry between two people.
The importance of “living in the moment” and embracing the tangible, physical world seeped into each panelist’s musings…
Read the entire story at eBar.
Nothing says I love you and I’m sorry like “look I went out of my way to be romantic by resorting to a centuries-old courtship ritual. So here are these beautiful yet unique flowers that match, not only your room, but also your personality. Will you blog about them?”
All cheekiness aside, flowers are a great way to show someone you really care. And don’t mark “must get flowers” on the calendar around an anniversary or Valentine’s Day, you don’t need to wait for society-sanctioned permission to come home with a bundle of love. In fact, I’d argue that flowers when least expected tend to get the most welcomed response. It makes every day of your relationship worthy of a special celebration.
For the longest time, I was mopey around the subject of getting flowers from an admirer, mostly because I had never gotten them. Then I realized that maybe I shouldn’t wait around for my prince charming to strut in wielding a bountiful bouquet — I could just as easily get on that horse. After all, it’s more emotional gratifying to be a proactive romantic than a hopeless one.
BOY TOYS TALK BACK: When was the last time you got somebody flowers? What was the special occasion? What type of flowers were they?
It’s starting to get really hot in the dungy Parisian club, and I can feel my shirt sticking to my sweaty back. The boys and I go over to the bar to order another round. He turns to me and says something in French, something he knows I won’t understand. The sentence is too complex, and the vocabulary is nothing they’d teach me in college. But maybe it’s his body language, how he got closer to me with every syllable uttered, or his facial expressions, how his eyebrows rose with excitement after certain words, or his eyes, how he looked at me and then down at my jeans. I may not understand what he says, but I know exactly what he means.
Excerpt, Confessions of a Boy Toy
Photo: Gerard Estadella
This Thursday, July 26, I will take part in a conversation about how gays have always been creative and resourceful in the art of hooking up. The event is being organized by the GLBT History Museum in the Castro and promises to be very interesting. More from the event:
From phone numbers on bathroom walls to posts on Facebook walls, GLBT people have found creative ways to use technology to facilitate hooking up, whether for an hour or a lifetime. This intergenerational conversation about the devices and tactics queer men and women have used to find sexual and romantic connections is the first installment in The GLBT History Museum’s new Making History Now series.
The panelists include historian Martin Meeker, author of Contacts Desired: Gay and Lesbian Community and Communications, 1940s-1970s, queer theorist Juana Maria Rodriguez, associate professor of gender and women’s studies at Berkeley and author of Queer Latinidad: Identity Practices, Discursive Spaces… and me! I will be sharing my expertise on Grindr, GuysWithiPhones and the meaning behind getting poked on Facebook. Hope you can join us!
Queer Sex and Technology: Thursday, July 26 from 7pm to 9pm at the GLBT History Museum (4127 18th Street, San Francisco).