What Makes Online Dating So Freakin’ Addictive?

On one side: excitement, excess, stimulation, mystery. On the other: safety, security, comfort, familiarity. Sex, romance, intimacy—all the things promised by finding the right match on an online dating site—drink from both. And so does the very experience of online dating. On the one hand finding a match and getting a lovely email from someone with a hot picture and an intriguing profile provides only a squirt of exitement, however much you may think you want a torrent. But on the other, well, there’s not a whole lot at risk. Sitting in your pj-s at your computer in the solitary comfort of your own home is pretty comfortable. You’re able to get a charge that is worth it because you are not really put that much on the line.

– From an article on Psychology Today about why online dating sites are designed to be play with our search for love by creating a “sweet spot” where the possibilities are endless while browsing in the comfort of our own home.

Similar read: Are We Wired to Love Google, Twitter and Grindr?

Press: ‘Bay Area Reporter’ on My ‘Queer Sex & Tech’ Panel Appearance

The BAR sent a wonderful writer to cover the hooking up panel in which I participated this summer at the GLBT History Museum. I had the honor of speaking next to historian Martin Meeker and Berkeley professor Juana Maria Rodriguez (who is my soul sister after writing “Confessions of a Latina Cyberslut” hello!)

Reporter Peter Hernandez (a self-affirmed “boy toy” fan) wrote:

“You can get a blowjob as easy as you can get a pizza delivered,” said Oscar Raymundo, the youngest panelist and blogger at Queerty and GayCities.com. He offered a critical perspective on Grindr and Scruff, criticizing the rapid growth of virtual hook-up websites seen in developments like Grindr’s recent expansion to 100 employees, and questioning the legitimacy of online dating.

Raymundo also read from his upcoming novel titled Confessions of a Boy Toy, in which a forebodingly-titled biotech app called Stalkr replaces Grindr, and in which physical connections are often limited to a handshake that grades the romantic chemistry between two people.

The importance of “living in the moment” and embracing the tangible, physical world seeped into each panelist’s musings…

Read the entire story at eBar.

Event: ‘Queer Sex and Tech’ Panel at the GLBT History Museum

This Thursday, July 26, I will take part in a conversation about how gays have always been creative and resourceful in the art of hooking up. The event is being organized by the GLBT History Museum in the Castro and promises to be very interesting. More from the event:

From phone numbers on bathroom walls to posts on Facebook walls, GLBT people have found creative ways to use technology to facilitate hooking up, whether for an hour or a lifetime. This intergenerational conversation about the devices and tactics queer men and women have used to find sexual and romantic connections is the first installment in The GLBT History Museum’s new Making History Now series.

The panelists include historian Martin Meeker, author of Contacts Desired: Gay and Lesbian Community and Communications, 1940s-1970s, queer theorist Juana Maria Rodriguez, associate professor of gender and women’s studies at Berkeley and author of Queer Latinidad: Identity Practices, Discursive Spaces… and me! I will be sharing my expertise on Grindr, GuysWithiPhones and the meaning behind getting poked on Facebook. Hope you can join us!

Queer Sex and Technology: Thursday, July 26 from 7pm to 9pm at the GLBT History Museum (4127 18th Street, San Francisco).

Media: ‘How We Date Now’ Video

Good thing about having a 7-hour layover in Taipei? I finally got around to editing the video from my panel on online dating. I’m actually surprised that I managed to compress an hour’s worth of raw footage to a little over 14 minutes. But even then I knew you guys wouldn’t sit through the whole thing, so I have broken it down by questions we addressed. So you can just skip right to whatever topic tickles your mouse.

Breakdown:
00:42 Introduction of Violet Blue, sex/tech expert
01:14 Introduction of Oscar Raymundo, gay columnist
01:40 Introduction of Jesse Starlight, dating coach
02:24 Introduction of Nick Abramovic, OKCupid’s chief strategy officer
03:50 Should I Google someone I’m interested in?
04:45 Are there major differences between straight dating and gay dating?
06:15 What is Grindr?
06:30 Are 90% of singles going out on a Friday night looking for a one night stand?
06:53 Does “Girls Night Out” really exist?
07:14 Should I be worried about my privacy?
08:41 What is the ideal OKCupid profile?
10:30 What are some of the best dating sites for single people in San Francisco?
11:54 How to deal with an online stalker?
12:55 Questions from the audience!

Also I had a pretty brilliant moment at the 9-minute mark. And jump right to the 11:30-minute mark to hear me reveal which is the best site for dudes looking for dudes ;P

And just in case you missed my introduction which drew cheers from the audience (a.k.a. all my friends), here you go: Oscar Raymundo created the pioneering “HomoTech” column, exploring the influence of technology and social media in the gay community. Today he is a tech correspondent for Rolling Stone. His writing has also appeared in Wired, Newsweek and Queerty.com. He is currently working on a futuristic gay love novel, Confessions of a Boy Toy.

We Found Love in a Hopeless Place

A cool photo of the panel last night at the W hotel pool terrace. Video coming soon! Thanks JP for the pic and to all my sexy friends who came. ["The friends you brought were THE BEST LOOKING PEOPLE THERE."]

Moderator Eve Batey was hilarious. Violet Blue was insightful. Jesse Starlight was creeped out. And OKCupid Chief Strategy Officer Nick Abramovic was, well, he was getting ready for a big move down to Los Angeles, so we’ll forgive his sexist, frat bro comments.

Big thanks to Yerba Buena Community Benefit District! And to Brock Keeling at the SFist and Caitlin Donohue at SFBG for the write-ups. Good thing there will be video to show exactly how much of a “catty bitch” I am not!